Porn is such a dirty word, isn’t it?
No matter your cultural background, you were probably taught something negative about pornography, if not directed to steer clear completely. I know I was! Today is a new day, however, because I’m here to tell you that porn can be a good and even healthful thing! Here are 5 reasons why you can (and should!) watch porn:
A short detour (think of it as a tease) before we begin our journey: Porn, like all other forms of entertainment, has its bad people, misuse, and dark moments. These frequently occur when sex workers are disenfranchised. This blogpost does not focus on that porn but on the pornography that empowers sex workers.
Now that we’re on the same channel, let’s return to our main program!
1) Radical Acceptance
“In sickness and in health, and for every possible sexual need.” That’s how the vows go, right? You may chuckle at my joke (thank you) but I’m willing to bet there have been times you have felt some pressure, either internally or externally, to meet every one of your partner’s needs at every request. Maybe you’ve even felt guilty or like a “failure” if your partner used pornography at a given time.
Listen, bodies change, get tired, and sometimes lose desire. It’s the breaks of living a wonderful and full life. It is too much pressure on yourself and your partner to expect yourselves to be each other’s’ one-stop shop for everything in life and sex at every single moment. Cut yourself some slack. Your partner (or you) using porn is likely nothing personal – perhaps they read this blog and saw all the great perks!
Pornography allows you and your partner to meet personal needs without the pressure of matching up calendars and physical energy. You’re accepting yourselves where you are and that alone builds great intimacy.
2) Educating Yourself
I once saw the great sex educator Carol Queen say at a conference, “Porn is not education until it is”. I don’t want to go into politics here about when or how people should learn about sex, but I am a firm believer that some desire-based sex education is better than no sex education. Desire-based sex education would include learning how to ask and answer questions like, “What are you into?”, “What things are not ok?”, “When should I know to stop?”. Queen was insisting that pornography is designed for entertainment; however, it becomes an educative platform when people have nothing else.
On a brighter note, the porn industry knows this is the case and the doors have opened for more inclusive and specifically educational content. Carol Queen herself created an instructional pegging video that is delightfully tongue-in-cheek. To this day, I chuckle at Carol Queen talking to the camera the majority of the film only to have her step aside to reveal a sizeable dildo and begin to have sex with her partner using the techniques she just taught. That’s quality prop comedy you can’t find anywhere else but porn. There is pornography out there to teach you things from how to give blow jobs to how to have sex when you’re older.
3) Educating Others
Let’s say you’ve already been on porn sites and found something… titillating. This could be a foot fetish; a schoolgirl role play; a person’s commanding dirty talk; or something else. Sharing porn with your partner is the fastest way to get your point across – “I want to do this.” It also shows clarity – I’m looking at you, person who wants their teddy bear of a partner to take charge and be more assertive.
This is particularly helpful if your partner isn’t familiar with the topic you’re interested in. For example, not everyone knows what “pegging” is (it is when someone, usually a cis-woman penetrates someone anally, usually a cis-man). When people do not understand something, their fear can take over, forming a mental picture of something scarier or more severe than you imagined. Cue to someone thrusting rapidly with little warm-up – and you definitely want a warm-up with pegging.
4) Supporting Small, Independent Artists
You may have heard the mantra that “sex work is work”. Despite common misconceptions, many people voluntarily enter sex work to pay the bills like everyone else. People like doing sex work and/or porn because they can work on their own terms, act and experience pleasure, connect with people, and more! There are many sites where you can buy subscriptions to individual artists, inclusive producers, or even get custom porn. If you love shopping small on Etsy, wait until you check out OnlyFans.
5) Pleasure!
Last but not least, pleasure is normal, healthy, and worth fighting for. Masturbation has been connected to improved self-esteem, while orgasms have been linked to many health benefits including headache relief. Whether you’re passing the quarantine time or tuning out during another Zoom meeting (mostly joking), porn is a fun way to connect with yourself and other people.
So, what are you waiting for? Start watching! If you’re concerned about how to find porn that empowers sex workers, like I mentioned above, I highly recommend following sex workers on Twitter. You may want to create an account away from prying eyes, but Porn Stars will post clips of their work and direct you to the best place to purchase it.* Depending on the independence of the sex worker, they usually have a style or specific interest that they focus on which will give you more confidence if you’re considering a subscription. If you opt for no subscription, the clips will at least brighten up your feed!
*Just like all videos, porn is frequently pirated and placed on sites without the workers’ knowledge or permission. Hence the stressing of finding the best place to buy a clip.
